Everything’s Otay!

Hello Lovely Readers,

Today it’s going to get a little personal. If ANY of you can relate, PLEASE share your story in the comment section below or share to someone you know that may benefit from this article. Let’s, dive in.

So most of us know the basics of ADHD right? Forgetfulness, hyperactive, life of the party, easily distractive, speaks on random thought, etc. Well, that’s what I use to think ADHD was too. I use to joke around that My Favorite Person had it because he fit those “symptoms” perfectly! Little did I know, I was gonna get slapped in the face when my therapist told me “Hey, it sounds like you have ADHD.”

About a year ago, we moved into a new apartment. It had all we were asking for. We were excited until a month after, I started to feel overwhelmed. I vented to my therapist, told her how overwhelmed I was with the unpacking and organizing and I should be happy because it’s a new place where I could make it my own and decorate. She then hit me with “sounds like you have ADD (now called ADHD). That caught me off guard. I questioned that statement. “what do you mean ADD? How?” I was confused & surprised at that the same time. It felt like this in my head:

I would have never thought in a million years that I would be diagnosed with ADHD. Again, I joked My Favorite Person had it (I still think he does). But me! No, impossible. Of course, anxiety but ADHD… no. Again, just like most people, I thought ADHD was associated with the “symptoms” you heard and saw on social media.

She suggested I see a psychiatrist to get further evaluated. I jumped on that real quick because I finally got a name to something I was dealing with my whole life and I didn’t even know! It was a weight lifted off my shoulders.

In the beginning, not many of my loved ones believed me. Especially the people I would have wanted support from. So, I felt like I had to deal with it alone, I studied it, and while studying, a lot of my habits made sense. No wonder why it was so difficult get assignments done on time, why I stressed myself out having to start a new task then and there because I knew I would forget while trying to remember the task I was working on so I also don’t forget, doing to many task at once, difficult to start any task and once started, difficult to stop a task, and my none stop thoughts running through my head the minute I wake up, to the time I hit the bed and I have to force myself to fall asleep. One thing I ALWAYS struggled with my whole life is time management. That was an eye opener to me when studying ADHD. It was always difficult to arrive on time to appointment and events. I couldn’t figure out why! I thought something was wrong with me until I got diagnosed with ADHD. I also learn that feeling emotions intensely were part of ADHD. For many years, I FELT my emotions and I couldn’t just shake off what I was feeling, it lingered. It would be so hard to focus on work, a task or a project because whatever I was feeling was at forefront of my mind. That was me having a hard time regulating my emotions but I was functional at least (masking).

My psychiatrist evaluated me and confirmed I had ADHD but she said she would monitor me if it was my PTSD play as ADHD or was it really ADHD. I didn’t know those 2 had very similar symptoms. I was put on a non-stimulant for a while but my body reacted to the side effects. Around, March, I was switched to a stimulant, and when I reported back to her how I felt being on a stimulant, she said “those that have ADHD usually react like when taking a stimulant.” That’s when my diagnosis finally hit me, I finally had to come to acceptance. Even though I knew I had ADHD since October, In the back of my mind, It could of been something else and I probably believe those that said I didn’t have ADHD.

This diagnosis is still relatively new to me and I am still learning so much about it but living with ADHD and navigating this journey isn’t easy. It can be debilitating. You have ALL these great ideas but can’t execute them. You’re motivated one minute and started a project, then the next you’re overwhelmed and ready to give up. You feel like you failed people because you forgot their birthdays if not written down, forgot to text/call them back or remember important appointments or events. Procrastinating on assignments, projects or task you know need to get done but waiting last minute to do them causes you to become overwhelmed with the pile of to-dos and try to accomplish multiple at a time. You’re mentally drained from trying to keep up with the must dos and life demands. You get frustrated with yourself freeze, breakdown and cry because you had all this time and you let it go to waste. You knew you could’ve done better.

ADHD isn’t always what you see on the internet. There’s so much more to it and it can be exhausting.

But ADHD isn’t all bad. Yes, your impulsivity and hyperactive can make you the life of the party and fun to be around. Sometimes, they hyper focus can be beneficial because you can complete a task if its intrigs and sometimes, starting task last minute can be a superpower because nothing can stop you when YOU NEED to get an assignment, task or project done. But what can improve your life significantly is being able to manage your symptoms (with medication or not). Ever since being diagnosed, all my habits, the way I think all makes sense. It’s can be one hell of a journey for us late bloomer (those diagnosed later in life) but we can do it. After learning how ADHD affected my life (& still learning) I went straight into action with the help of my therapist and psychiatrist. I tried different methods, routines and there were so many trial and errors but I’ve learned along the way that preparation is key for me and having things planned out and sticking to them helps me get things accomplished. Even though I enjoy random adventures and detours, I learned that does not help with my ADHD if I’m trying to better myself and accomplish my goals.

If you think you have ADHD or suspect a loved one has it, I advice to reach out to a psychiatrist and get evaluated. Once you know, you can finally see what you’re dealing with and how it affects your life and find out what works for YOU. October is ADHD awareness month. If you’re dealing with ADHD, spread the knowledge and share your story because we are here to educate others to understand the neurodivergent mind and better help support one another.

*sleep is my current challenge right now. I can’t sleep at a decent time for the life of me. I’m learning lack of sleep makes my symptoms worse and heightens my emotions and makes it very hard to regulate.

And remember, Everything’s Otay!