Lately, I haven’t been feeling like myself. I’ve been feeling a lot of anger and been feeling a bit lost. I know I’ve been feeling angry towards myself and I’ve been letting it all out on my siblings, especially my brother. Yesterday night and today I just went off on him. It’s all because I let my stresses, worries and emotions get the best of me. Today was family day, we were suppose to go to the mall and after that, visit a pumpkin patch and to end the day making vegan sandwiches and finish the night with a movie but that didn’t end up happening because I didn’t say kindest words and it ruined the day. I’m well aware that it was my fault and I truly apologize to my family for my outlash.
I know my worries and stresses have made me into this person I truly dislike. It’s time for me to change that. Some of my worries are financial issues, my spirituality, my jobs, my mental health, and most important my family. My family mean the world to me and I love them dearly. I would love to give back to them for all the help they have given me but at this moment in life I can’t give back to them and it makes me feel like I am failing them.
My little brother has become a young adult and the only ones he really depends on is my brother and I. He started college in August or September and right now he doesn’t drive and at the moment I don’t have the time to teach him due to work (when I get home I’m exhausted) and I am not able to take him to school in the mornings (if I do I will be late to work). I wish he’d open up to me because if he did I will do my very best to fit that time into my schedule. If I can help him with the little thing I totally would. Right now, time and my financial means won’t allow. Even though he gives me so much attitude I still love him and want the best for him.
My little sister, she is a character and very bratty but I love this little girl. She’s on her last year of high school and on her way to graduate and I couldn’t be more proud of her! Right now I am saving some money to make sure she is able to go to prom with a dress of her choice and get her make up, hair, nails done. I want her to feel beautiful and confident when she is off to prom. I wish I had more time to spend with her and wish I was able to get her what she want on her last year of high school. Again, time and my financial means won’t allow. I am going to find a day where we spend time together.
And then My brother, this kid means a lot to me. We grew up together! Even though I wasn’t the nicest older sister, he is like my best friend. I definitely cherish the relationship we have now that we are older. He’s the first one I go to when something good happens. He doesn’t know everything that happens in my life but he’s the only one that know a big chunk of it. My dad always said “your brother will be your best friends from cradle to grave” and those words always stuck. Right now life isn’t going as planned for him and I wish I could give him the best advice and if he ever needs any financial help I want to be there for him. Even though I lash out at him I want him to know I don’t mean it and if he ever needs anything I will be there. Just like the Michael Jackson song.
I honestly don’t know if I’m mentally okay due to everything that’s happening in my life but I know this situation is only temporary and these feels are only temporary and I know things will get better. I just need to manage my time wisely and make sure I take care of myself and just relax, breath, meditate about the good that happened in my day and find ways I can become a better person. Family day is important to me and I would never want it to end up like this one.
If you all have something on your chest or can relate, feel free to share in the comment section below or you can reach out to me via email. Thank you for taking the time to read this and if tough times are upon you, keep in mind it’s only temporary and remember Everything’s Otay!
Information about Just Venting: Just Venting will be a segment where I share how I’ve been feeling on what’s currently going on in my life. This will be a little inside scoop of my personal life. Thank you for reading 😊.